Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Things NOT to do at a rock concert

Scottish rockers Mogwai played The Showbox last night, once again proving that it is possible to have a perfect rock band with no vocals. Their richly-textured wall of sound is perfect in smaller venues and comes across as much more vital, hot and intense than any of their albums. I highly recommend catching them live wherever and whenever you can.

While the band was amazing, there were a number of things I think that the uber-chic Seattle crowd should be more aware of:

- Your cell-phone is a distraction and ruins my experience as a member of the audience. It is difficult to imagine a device less "rock and roll" than any mobile electronic communication device. Were people at Woodstock running around with cell phones in hand, dialing friends to say "listen to Hendrix?" I dare say that "no" - they were not.

Music is an experience to be savored by the people who are there watching it happen. When I see a cell phone open up in a dark rock club, I am ripped out of my "rock and roll" reverie while you reach out and touch someone. Consider this a warning: if I see anybody else hold up their cell phones mid-riff for some asshole who couldn't get a ticket, I reserve the right to hurt you. LEAVE YOUR CELL PHONE IN THE CAR. Try it, it's liberating...

- Followup to the last item: if you call me from a concert, I will hang up on you. I am boycotting dumb-asses.

- Try listening to the music instead of calling attention to yourself. When the music quiets down, in anticipation of another surge, that's your sign that you should shut the hell up too. This shows respect to the band and the other listeners. It says, "I dig the dynamics this band has built into the song. I am willing to experience this fully." When I hear you whoop and holler every time it gets quiet enough for the crowd to hear you, it is like hearing the mating call of an asshole. I hope you have ugly children and I reserve the right to send you "bad juju" with my eyes. Ladies, you are not exempt - consider yourself warned.

- A picture may be worth a thousand words but an experience is worth much more. Your camera-phone will not get a worthy photo. Think of every photo you take as one more way of pissing off those people actually listening to the music around you. It is an "experience tax" you single-handedly impose on all of your neighboring concert-goers. I will not suffer it kindly and we reserve the right to hurt you and/or trash your gizmo.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Stephen Colbert Speaking to a Dinner of the White House Press Correspondents

Whoa. Stephen Colbert really stuck it to 'em at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. An actual quote: "To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped."

Here's the video. Here's the transcript.